You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
