So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
