New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
