I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
