He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
