Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
