I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
