:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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