why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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