saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i came on her dog
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
