Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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