Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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