you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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