he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
