It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
