I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
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you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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