I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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