I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
