just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
