By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
