Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
