Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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