oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
