false alarm. still invincible.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My vagina is officially offended.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
