Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
