dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
