I can tuck mytits in my pants
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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