When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
