Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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