Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
