Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
