i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
