Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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