I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
