My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
