ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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