I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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