im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
