Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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