They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
