finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
