idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK