Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
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Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.