she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.