Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night