she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE