I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...