All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
