I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
