How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
