just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
