Screwed.edu
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
