Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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