When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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