see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
