I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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