I forgot how hot balto sounded
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
