hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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