u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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