The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
