theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
home. puking in laundry basket.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
