"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
