I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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