I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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