Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
