just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
