I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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