At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
