I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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