Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
