as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
false alarm. still invincible.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
