is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
