Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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