We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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