All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
