Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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