you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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