where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
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