READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
